Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
