went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
