i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
