my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
God, I missed his penis.
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