If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
