hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
