by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
