College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also, beer. Big fan.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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