Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
