Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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