there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
