is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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