if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize