its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Can I color on your dick again?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
