just survived the first fart of the relationship.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Randomize