Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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