so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
