Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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