is wine microwaveable?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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