ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
