i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
