I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
