There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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