so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
