With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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