I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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