I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
