The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
