So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
