I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
