Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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