But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
