if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
