I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
