i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
