we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
