In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
