I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
