Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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