I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
do herpes really smell.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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