But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
