I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
