that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
