Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
