White coat. Heels.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I didn't notice because vodka
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
