like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
