Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
