your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
