Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
