I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
