people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
