Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
