I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
