im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
