i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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