I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
