forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
4 words: hood of his car
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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