Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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