What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
