Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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