turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
