I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
