Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
