Whats the glycemic index on semen?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
