Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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