i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
