Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
