Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Floor bacon is actually really good
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
