i think i have herpe
just one?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
