He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize