garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
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Do I have a choice?
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How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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