I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
