I must be too annoying 4 u.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
